Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Holidays

I’d never had holidays this long before. And never one in which I had less to do. So in a desperate bid to lessen the boredom, after devouring too many books, I pull out a pen and an old diary and try writing… it doesn’t work so I shift to my laptop… and churn out incredible pieces of highly embarassing, sentimental trash I never thought I was capable of producing… all the effect of utter joblessness and queer moods. Sigh.

And then I wander about aimlessly, having the messy but strangely satisfying orange sticks, even as tiny bits keep falling off into the dimly lit, desolate neighborhood streets. Sometimes trying a jhaal muri just because I love watching them make it …. Going to Park Street or College Street with friends or cousins and wander about aimlessly again… spend hours in completely futile adda sessions, hunt for second hand books in the narrow streets… stopping for a phuchcka or a roll, despite the heat….Going off to New Market or City Center at the slightest pretext and buying bags, slippers, loads of chunky jewelry that I know I will never wear, obnoxiously bright nail paints which I just might try on due to the sheer magnitude of my boredom…..

Eating at Flury’s, t3, kookie jar, dominoes, KFC, Pizza Hut, CCD and also zeeshan, coffee house, aminia, nizams… and feeling guilty about gorging, trying to convince myself that I’m home for not very long so I deserve all the heavenly food, and then dragging myself to swim at 6 in the morning in a hopeless attempt to check the calories….

Or sometimes I go up to the roof when the sun is about to set and stare at the flaming sky for God-knows-how-long till I can almost see the stars, trying to spot the shapes in the clouds, the colours in the evening sky, trying to make out the silhouette of the far off Howrah Bridge through the smoke and dust and the city lights, trying to find a pattern in the way the cars snake along the busy broad way, trying to make sense of all the chaos, of whatever is happening around me, trying to understand my ever changing moods and emotions, trying to figure out a reason, or an excuse… always trying… but then I get tired of trying and I just decide to let things be… and revel in the fact that I so love being home, not just because of my mother’s awesome pampering, or my sisters awesome cynicism, or even the air conditioned bliss in these amazingly sultry days, when I’m almost sure the monsoons have decided to abandon us… its more because of the fact that I know me better when I’m home and am not always running at a frenzied pace, I’m less confused and I can breathe more freely, but most importantly I can think…. Think about nothing and everything at the same time and keep thinking without anyone or anything ever interrupting me… so I keep thinking, even as I lie peacefully, into the wee hours of the morning, sleep not being able to pervade the world of my fantasies, gazing dreamily at the dancing shadows on the moonlit wall, the hint of a smile lingering on the corners of my mouth….

And now I am rambling so I guess it’s time to stop......

P.S. Actually, I did do something this summer- learnt driving! Will be getting my license soon. And then Calcutta streets, look out- here I come!